I LOVE YOU MOM

Ok so I know its a little late(I was gonna do this on the 7th which is the 5th anniversary of my moms death) ...but in memory of my mom I am gonna write something that I wrote in my journal like a month ago while I was at work and had nothing to do all day. I wrote something about each member of my family but I am only gonna share what I wrote about my mom.

This is it...

--- My mom is the greatest example of a great mother. She was not perfect and not always patient or completely sane but she worked at it everyday. She loves each of us for different reasons and qualities (of course I am loved most) -BTW-Rex(funny guy I work with) and I were looking up the meanings of names on the internet, on this specific sight her name-Barbara-meant "strange" -I laughed and found it so perfect. I think that anyone that knew her well can totally relate... especially if they knew her when she was tired late into the night. When looking at my sisters and I this is where I see her in us the most. We are a riot late at night and usually we just seem really wierd and most people dont understand us or look at us funny, but it all makes sense to us. I think we all remember different things and alot the same of her but for me, the times I love to remember the most are those times when my mom was doing her little cackle thing and saying or doing something so off the wall and my dad would just look at her with that face and say "Barbara, I think you need to go to bed"

• So it was just a little silly thing I did, but I have been thinking about her so much lately and so I wanted to do something in rememberance. I truly find it hard to believe that it has been five years sometimes it feels like its been way longer since I have seen her but sometimes the pain of losing her feels like its brand new.

I do have some things to be thankful for though...in spite of how much I miss her and how unfair I sometimes think it is. I have the greatest family EVER! We have such a bond that became so strong when we faced one of the hardest things we ever will TOGETHER! For me my dad was never really the one I went to talk to, he is a pretty quiet guy and I guess it could have just been the age I was at or maybe I really just had a hard time opening up to him...but after losing my mom, I realized how amazing my dad really was. NO one messes with my dad and makes it out with me on their side. I am the only one that is ever more right than my dad and that is just how it is. So I guess even though it has been hard lately without her... I know that I will see her again and I always have my amazing family to help me until that time.

What makes you think I care...

Ok so I know I may just need an AA....as Alicia so kindly told me yesterday. But I am totally worn out from the stupid fair and work ( Ok I loved the fair but it made for no sleeping time). So here is my warning that this could be a bitter and obnoxoius post.

I am at this very moment trying my very hardest to ignore the new guy at work. He however despite my best efforts of typing this blog and trying to give him next to nothing in response...will not stop telling me his life story. He says he was raised in Beverly Hills but I have never met such white trash...ok maybe I have since I started working here...but he definitely makes it in the top ten. I have hardly been listening but I did just here stuff about a girl and something about boobs and a 95 year old man smoking weed. I have only nodded my head a few times and said eww. wow. geez. and "oh yeah livin the dream"(this is my very favorite phrase lately especially when talking about HALLIBURTON) Now he just told me he shot four people in the right shoulder...all in the right shoulder. Then he asks me a question and I give him an answer. Then he talks for another twenty minutes.

Does he not understand that this is my time to waste at work and I do not want him bothering me?? Really!?!

Also he has been here a day and has been calling me darlin and pretty..."I HAVE A NAME"...now this does not bother me when it is Rexifux calling me this cuz I happen to like Rex and he is like my crazy cool uncle type guy. When you are maybe a few years older then me....weigh 70 pounds less then me...and are just plain creepy...you dont get to call me Darlin!

This may sound like an adventure to some of you...like one of those horrible days you get every once in awhile...but let me just tell you this has been my life everyday for my whole summer. Nasty guys wanting my number, begging to take me out, then calling me mean names...which is often followed by them hatefully giving my number to the next guy in line. I dont want to get to know them. I dont care that they think I am pretty. I am here for money. And frankly besides my dad, my grandpas, some uncles and sometimes my brothers and cousins...boys are STUPID! In every sense of the word. I know one day someone will bring this to me and say "hey dont you remember...boys are stupid" that is ok I will eat my words...but I will say them now...with relish!

SO all I want to say to boys from now on is...

"What makes you think I care...."