Happy Birthday Mom.

Its been five years.
Today my mom would be 48 years old.
There has been six birthdays and Christmases.
There has been three grandchildren born.
There has been three marriages.
There is step-family and dogs...and cats.

For me there was three schools, two teams and one dropout. My first kiss. My first school dance. My first apartment. and several first days of work. There was my first love...followed by my first broken heart.

In the wee hours of the morning it hit me. There are just times when it does. Ive learned its just better to let it.
I realized this morning that I miss her just as much today...actually more.
I cried the same way I cried that first day, the same helpless way I cried many days after.
The pain in my stomach, the not being able to breath, was not so bad.
I was sad, a little angry and pretty full of self pity.
I felt the same pain that I felt five and a half years ago.

...but then something amazing happened...

I felt the same love. the same peace. the same comfort that I felt five and a half years ago.
Christ knows my pain. and we are never alone. I felt the same reassurance that I did in the car to go see her...that families can be together forever. Thats the promise. Thats what really matters.

Now Im just sad to think that there are people out there
(perhaps a twenty year old girl who lost her mom five plus years ago)
that do not realize, or understand, that simple yet perfect truth.

I am blessed.